Sorry about the Creation of a p***** Joke, so heres more

[barnstyke]

There is an 80 year old virgin who suddenly gets an itch in her crotch area.
She goes to the doctor who checks her out and tells her she has crabs.
She explained that she couldn't have crabs because she was a virgin,
but the doctor didn't believe her, so she went to get a second opinion.

The second doctor gave her the same answer.
So she went to a third doctor and said
"Please help me. This itch is killing me
and I know that I don't have crabs because I'm a virgin".

The doctor checks her out and says "I have good news and bad news.
The good news is you don't have crabs, the bad news is that your cherry rotted and you have fruit flies."

[barnstyke]

Ok here goes, try this one.

A American and Japanese company decided to engage in a competitive boat race. Both teams practiced hard and long to reach their peak performance. On the big day they felt ready.

The Japanese won by a mile. Afterward, the American team was discouraged by the loss. Morale sagged. Corporate management decided that the reason for the crushing defeat had to be found, so a consulting firm was hired to investigate the problem and recommended corrective action.

The consultant's finding: The Japanese team had eight people rowing and one person steering; the American team had one person rowing and eight people steering.

After a year of study and millions spent analyzing the problem, the consultant firm concluded that too many people were steering and not enough were rowing on the American team.

So as race day neared again the following year, the American team's management structure was completely reorganized. The new structure: four steering managers, three area steering managers and a new performance review system for the person rowing the boat to provide work incentive.

The next year, the Japanese won by two miles. Humiliated, the American corporation laid off the rower for poor performance and gave the managers a bonus for discovering the problem....

Hey!!!!!!!!!!!! Its only a joke!!!!!!!!!!!!

[barnstyke]

A young woman goes to the vet with her alsation dog and explains what the problem is.

"Every time I bend over, he jumps on my back and, well, you know, trys to do the business. Getting something out of the fridge, putting something in the bin, making the bed: every time I bend over, he's there humping away."

"I see" says the vet "I suppose you want him put down?"

"No, just clip his nails, please"

[barnstyke]

Three men had a very late night drinking Guiness.

They left in the early morning hours and each went to their home. The next day, they all met for an early pint, and compared notes about who was drunker the night before.

The first guy claims that he was the drunkest, saying, "I drove straight home and walked into the house. As soon as I got through the door, I blew chunks."

The second guy said, "You think that was drunk? Hell, I got into my car and wrapped it around the first tree I saw. And I don't even have insurance!"

The third guy proclaimed, "Damn, I was the drunkest by far. When I got home, I got into a big fight with my wife, knocked a candle over, and burned the whole house down!"

The room was silent for a moment.

Then, the first guy spoke out again, "Listen, guys, I don't think you understand...

Chunks is my dog."

[barnstyke]

A man walks up to a woman in his office and tells her that her hair smells nice.

The woman immediately goes into her supervisor's office and tells him that she wants to file a sexual harassment suit and explains why.

The supervisor is puzzled by this and says, "What's wrong with the coworker telling you your hair smells nice?"

The woman replies, "He's a midget

[barnstyke]

Three guys and a girl are marooned on a desert island. After one week, the girl is so ashamed of what she's doing, she kills herself.

After another week, the guys are so ashamed of what they're doing, they bury her.

After another week, they're so ashamed of what they're doing, they dig her up again.

[barnstyke]

All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was in charge.

"I should be in charge", said the brain, because I run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would happen".

"I should be in charge", said the blood, "because I circulate oxygen all over, so without me you'd all waste away".

"I should be in charge", said the stomach, "because I process food and give all of you energy".

"I should be in charge", said the rectum, "because I'm responsible for waste removal".

All the other body parts laughed at the rectum and insulted him, so in a huff, he shut down tight. Within a few days, the brain had a terrible headache, the stomach was bloated, and the blood was toxic.

Eventually the other organs gave in. They all agreed that the rectum should be the boss.

The moral of the story?

You don't have to be smart or important to be in charge... just an asshole.

[barnstyke]

Mrs. Schmidlap hires a maid with beautiful blonde hair. The first morning, the girl pulls off the hair and says, "I wear a wig, because I was born totally hairless. Not a hair on my body, not even down there."

That night, Mrs. Schmidlap tells her husband. He says, "I’ve never seen anything like that. Please tomorrow, ask her to go into the bedroom and show you. I want to hide in the closet so I can have a look."

The next day, Mrs. Schmidlap asks the girl, the two of them go into the bedroom, and the girl strips and shows her. Then the girl says, "I’ve never seen one with hair on it. Can I see yours?"

So Mrs. Schmidlap pulls off her clothes and shows her. That night, Mrs. Schmidlap says to her husband, "I hope you’re satisfied, because I was pretty embarrassed when that girl asked to see mine."

Her husband says, "You think you were embarrassed...I had the four guys I play poker with in the closet with me."

**************************************** *********************


Doctor Dave slept with one of his patients and felt guilty all day long. No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he couldn’t. The guilt and sense of betrayal was overwhelming. But every once in a while he’d hear an internal, reassuring voice that said:

"Dave, don’t worry about it. You aren’t the first doctor to sleep with one of their patients and you won’t be the last. And you’re single. Let it go..."

But invariably the other voice would bring him back to reality:

"Dave, you’re a vet..."


**************************************** *********************


A young guy out on the town with his mates spies the girl of his dreams across the dance floor. Having admired her from afar he finally gets up the courage to talk to her. Everything goes better than expected and she agrees to accompany him on a date the following Saturday evening. Saturday night the man arrives at her house with flowers and candy.

To his surprise, she answers the door in nothing but a towel. "I’m sorry," she exclaims, "I am running a bit late. Please come in and I’ll introduce you to my parents who will entertain you while I finish getting dressed. I should warn you, though, they are both deaf mutes."

With this she ushers him into the living room, introduces him to her parents and promptly disappears. As you can imagine, this is a little uncomfortable as both of the parents are completely silent. Dad is sitting in his arm chair watching golf on TV, and Mom is busy knitting.

After about ten minutes of complete silence, Mom jumps from her chair, pulls up her skirt, pulls down her knickers, and pours a glass of water over her fanny. Just as suddenly, Dad launches himself across the room, bends her over the couch, and takes her from behind. He then sits back down in his chair and balances a match stick in front of his eye. The room is plunged back into eerie silence and the young man is shocked into disbelief.

After a further ten minutes, the daughter returns fully dressed and ready for the evening. The date is a complete disaster with the young man completely distracted by the on goings earlier in the living room.

At the end of the night, the girl asks, "What’s the matter? Have I done something wrong?" "No, its not you," he replied, "It’s just that the strangest thing happened while I was waiting for you and I am still a bit shocked. Well, first your Mother jumps from her chair, lifts up her skirt, pulls down her panties, and throws a glass of water over her behind. Then, as if that weren’t enough, your Father races from his chair, leans her over the couch and does her from behind. He then sits back down and places a match stick by his eye."

"Oh, is that all?" replies the girl.

The man can’t believe her casual response.

"That’s how they communicate!, Mom was simply saying, "Are you going to get this asshole a drink?" and Dad was replying, "No, f**k him - I’m watching the match."


**************************************** *********************


There’s a student in medical school who wants to specialize in sexual disorders, so he makes arrangements to visit the sexual disorder clinic. The chief doctor is showing him around, discussing cases and the facility, when the student sees a patient masturbating right there in the hallway.

"What condition does he have?" the student asks.

"He suffers from Seminal Buildup Disorder," the doctor replies. "If he doesn’t obtain sexual release forty to fifty times a day, he’ll pass into a coma."

The student takes some notes on that, and they continue down the hall. As they turn the corner, he sees another patient with his pants around his ankles, receiving oral sex from a beautiful nurse.

"What about him?" the student asks. "What’s his story?"

"Oh, it’s the same condition," the doctor replies. "He just has a better health plan."


Daz

[barnstyke]

A couple was on their honeymoon, lying in bed, about ready to consummate their marriage, when the new bride says to the husband, "I have a confession to make, I’m not a virgin."

The husband replies, "That’s no big thing in this day and age."

The wife continues, "Yeah, I’ve been with one guy."

"Oh yeah? Who was the guy?"

"Tiger Woods."

"Tiger Woods, the golfer?"

"Yeah."

"Well, he’s rich, famous and handsome. I can see why you went to bed with him."

The husband and wife then make passionate love.

When they are done, the husband gets up and walks to the telephone.

"What are you doing?" asks the wife.

The husband says, "I’m hungry, I was going to call room service and get something to eat."

"Tiger wouldn’t do that."

"Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?"

"He’d come back to bed and do it a second time."

The husband puts down the phone and goes back to bed to make love a second time.

When they finish, he gets up and goes over to the phone. "Now what are you doing?" she asks.

The husband says, "I’m still hungry so I was going to get room service to get something to eat."

"Tiger wouldn’t do that."

"Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?"

"He’d come back to bed and do it again."

The guy slams down the phone, goes back to bed, and makes love one more time.

When they finish he’s tired and beat. He drags himself over to the phone and starts to dial.

The wife asks, "Are you calling room service?"

"No! I’m calling Tiger Woods, to find out what the par is for this damn hole."

[barnstyke]

Short but sweet

Man says to his wife: "Tell me something that will make me happy and sad at the same time"

Wife says "Your cock is bigger than your brothers".

Daz.

[barnstyke]

A wife decides to take her husband to a strip club for his birthday.

They arrive at the club and the doorman says, "Hey, Dave! How ya doin’?"

His wife is puzzled and asks if he’s been to this club before.
"Oh, no," says Dave. "He’s on my bowling team."

When they are seated, a waitress asks Dave if he’d like his usual and brings over a Budweiser.

His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says,"How did she know that you drink Budweiser?"

"She’s in the Ladies’ Bowling League, honey. We share lanes with them."

A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Dave, and says "Hi Davey. Want your usual table dance, big boy?"

Dave’s wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.

Dave follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her. He tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it. She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every name in the book.

The cabby turns his head and says, "Looks like you picked up a real bitch tonight, Dave."

[barnstyke]

Jeff walks into a bar and sees his friend Paul slumped over the bar crying. He walks over and asks Paul what’s wrong. "Well," replies Paul, "you know that beautiful girl who I wanted to ask out, but I got an erection every time I saw her?"

"Yes," replies Jeff with a laugh.

"Well," says Paul, straightening up, "I finally plucked up the courage to ask her out, and she agreed."

"That’s great!" says Jeff, "When are you going out?"

"I went to meet her this evening," continues Paul, "but I was worried I’d get an erection again. So I got some duct tape and taped my penis to my leg, so if I did, it wouldn’t show."

"Sensible" says Jeff.

"So I get to her door," says Paul, "and I rang her doorbell. She answered it in the sheerest, tiniest dress you ever saw."

"And what happened then?" Asked Jeff

"I kicked her in the face."

[barnstyke]

An 85 year old man visits his doctor to get a sperm count. The geezer’s given a jar and told to bring back a sample. The next day he returns to the doctor with an empty jar.
"What happened?" says the doctor.
"Well," the old man starts, "I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then her left -- nothing. Then she tried with her mouth, first with her teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing. We even called Evelyn, the lady next door, but still nothing."
The doctor bursts out, "You asked your neighbour?"
"Yep, No matter what we tried we couldn’t get that damn jar open."

[barnstyke]

One day Steven Spielberg, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and Pierce Brosnan were in a jungle in order to take some shots for a movie. Unfortunately, they were caught by a tribal group. As they were about to be executed they pleaded to the Queen of the Tribe for her mercy. She said, ’’Get me something good to eat. If I like it, you will be freed.’’ The three stars looked at each other and agreed. They then went into the jungle to look for some food
Spielberg was the first to come back. He came up to the altar and offered grapes. She tasted one and immediately spat it out. She ordered her servants to shove the rest of them up his ass. The servants finished their duty, leaving a screaming Spielberg.
Schwarzenegger was the next to arrive with some yummy apples. The same thing happened to him, but cusiously he laughed as the apples were shoved up his ass. Spielberg was shocked. Here he was with grapes up his ass howling in pain, but Schwarzenegger had several apples in his ass and he was still laughing. He asked him ’’What the hell are you laughing at?’’
A laughing Schwarzenegger replied ’’Pierce is coming back with watermelons.’’’

[davidlauraj]

Boy, some of those are really twisted! I love it! Here's one for you! Its kinda long but I think you'll like it:


This guy walks into a tavern and sitting on the bar is a huge jar full of money. The guy looks at the barkeep and says, “There must be thousands of dollars in there! What’s the story?” The barkeep begins to tell him “Its just money gathered from good folk like yourself that were asked to contribute to the jar for a chance to win it's contents.” So, curiously the guy asks, “So what do you have to do to win the money?” The barkeep replies, “You must perform three tasks to get the money. The first task is drinking this bottle of tequila without stopping, but be forewarned, it is spiked with habanero extract and is therefore very hot!” So the guy sits waiting anxious for more, so asks the barkeep, “Ok what are the other 2 tasks?” The barkeep replies, “Well nobody has really gotten past the first one but here goes the rest, “The second task is to remove the bad tooth from the pit bull that lives in the alley behind the tavern, (he has been in a very foul mood lately). The last task to complete is upstairs. There is an 80 yr old woman that lives there and she has never had an orgasm. You must satisfy her in order to win the money.”

The guy sits at the bar and ponders all of this for a moment before he declares, “I’ll give it a shot! How much?” The barkeep looks up to see the crowd start to form around the bar and he tells the guy, “It’s $50 for the chance.” The guy pays him the money, gets the bottle of tequila and starts drinking it down, with tears running from his eyes and visible cringes from the intense heat and pain he finishes the last drop and falls to his knees gasping for breath.

The barkeep and crowd cheers, as he is the first to ever complete the first task! The man gathers himself to his feet (with help) very smug (and drunk)! The crowd ushers him though the doorway to the alley and push him outside, closing the door behind him. “Oh the poor, brave fellow.” they say as they go back to their drinks saying “That dog will tear him limb from limb if he tries to pull out that tooth!” They begin to hear the man scream in pain, when suddenly it’s the dog that starts howling madly in obvious torment! They crowd shifts back to the door just as the guy comes stumbling back in “Alright, that ones done too!!! Now where’s that old lady with the bad tooth!”


:shock: :shock: :shock: :lol: :lol: :lol:

[barnstyke]

Hahaha....At last, someone else thats a little twisted. LOL

A man is walking around getting drunk holding a duck under his arm. Once drunk enough he decides to go home. He walks up to his door and knocks and his wife answers, he says with the duck under his arm this is the pig I been f**king. The wife replies thats not a pig dumbass thats a duck. He says I was talking to the duck.

[davidlauraj]

A guy goes to the doctor for a routine physical. At the end of it the doctor tells him, "Everything checks out but, I have to tell you that you have the dirtiest balls that I have ever seen." ops: The guy goes home and sees his wife there busy cleaning up some mess that the kids made. He says to her, " Honey, we have to talk about something..." She replies "I can't right now, I've been so busy with work and chasing after these kids that I don't have time to wipe my own a$$ anymore!"

"That is exactly what we have to talk about!" :wink:

[barnstyke]

An owner of a painting company needs to hirer a painter for a job he is doing. So he goes down to the unemplyoment office to hire a painter. They tell him they don’t have any - the only person they have is at the moment is a gynecologist. He says that won’t do, he needs a painter. They tell him they are sorry. He really needs an extra set of hands so he decides to take the gynecologist.

Two weeks later he returns asking for the gynecologist. They tell him that he has found employment and is no longer with them and that they now have painters looking for work. The owner of the painting company tells them that he really needs the gynecologist. They ask him why?

He tells them that two weeks earlier he took the gynecologist down to the job site and the front door was locked - he had no key. That guy painted the entire house through the keyhole!

[davidlauraj]

:lol: :lol: :lol:

[barnstyke]

Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie
went straight to her grandparents’ house to visit her 95-year-old
grandmother and comfort her.
When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied,
"He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning."
Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years
old having sex would surely be asking for trouble.
"Oh no, my dear," replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our
advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start ringing. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong."
She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, "He’d still be alive if the
ice cream truck hadn’t come along."

[EngineerGuy]

Originally Posted by barnstyke

Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie
went straight to her grandparents’ house to visit her 95-year-old
grandmother and comfort her.
When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied,
"He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning."
Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years
old having sex would surely be asking for trouble.
"Oh no, my dear," replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our
advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start ringing. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong."
She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, "He’d still be alive if the
ice cream truck hadn’t come along."

HAHAHAHAHA
:lol:

[barnstyke]

What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?

He wiped his ass.

[barnstyke]

A milkman goes to a house to collect his money. When he knocks the door swings open and he walks in. The place is a mess, beer bottles and liquer bottles everywhere. He is just about to leave when the lady of the house comes down the stairs. He looks at her then looks at the mess. She explains that they had a big party last night. the milkman spots a blanket on the floor with holes all cut out. Whats that for he asks,well she explained we were playing party games last night. Where we had all the men line up behind the blanket and stick there penis’s out the holes. Then all the women went along and tried to guess whos was whos. Man that must have been some party wish I was there. Well you might as well have been here becouse your name come up several times.

[barnstyke]

I thought I may as well add these old ones as well.

A young woman in New York City was severely depressed so she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean.

She went down to the docks and was about to leap into the frigid water when a handsome young sailor saw her tottering on the edge of the pier crying.

He took pity on her and said,

"Look, you've got a lot to live for. I'm off to Europe in the morning and if you like, I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take good care of you and bring you food every day."

Moving closer, he slipped his arm around her shoulder and added,

"I'll keep you happy, and you'll keep me happy."

The girl nodded yes. After all, what did she have to lose? That night, the sailor brought her three sandwiches and a piece of fruit, and they made passionate love until dawn. This continued every night of the trip. Three weeks later, during a routine inspection, she was discovered by the captain.

"What are you doing here?" the Captain asked. "I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she explained.

"I get food and a trip to Europe and he's screwing me."

"He sure is, lady," the Captain said. "This is the Staten Island Ferry."

**************************************** *********************


A blind man walks into a restaurant and sits down. The waiter, who is also the owner, walks up to the blind man and hands him a menu.

"I'm sorry sir, but I am blind and can't read the menu. Just bring me a dirty fork from a previous customer, I'll smell it and order from there."

A little confused, the owner walks over to the dirty dish pile and picks up a greasy fork. He returns to the blind man's table and hands it to him. The blind man puts the fork to his nose and takes in a deep breath. "Ah, yes that's what I'll have, meatloaf and mashed potatoes."

Unbelievable, the owner says to himself as he walks towards the kitchen. The cook happens to be the owner's wife and he tells her what had just happened. The blind man eats his meal and leaves.

Several days later the blind man returns and the owner mistakingly brings him a menu again. "Sir, remember me? I'm the blind man."

"I'm sorry, I didn't recognize you. I'll go get you a dirty fork."

The owner again retrieves a dirty fork and brings it to the blind man. After another deep breath, the blind man says, "That smells great, I'll take the Macaroni and chesse with broccoli."

Once again walking away in disbelief, the owner things the blind man is screwing around with him and tells his wife that the next time the blind man comes in he's going to test him. The blind man eats and leaves.

He returns the following week, but this time the owner see's him coming and runs to the kitchen. He tells his wife, "Mary, rub this fork on your panties before I take it to the blind man." Mary complies and hands her husband the fork back.

As the blind man walks in and sits down, the owner is ready and waiting. "Good afternoon sir, this time I remembered you and I already have the fork ready for you."

The blind man puts the fork to his nose, takes a deep whiff and says, "Hey! I didn't know that Mary worked here!"


**************************************** *********************


Lady Diana and Pamela Anderson die on the same day, and they both go before St.Peter to find out if they'll be admitted to heaven. Unfortunately, there's only one space left that day, so St. Peter must decide which of them gets in.

St. Peter asks Pamela if there's some particular reason why she should go to heaven, so she takes off her top and says, "Look at these. They're the most perfect ones God ever created, and I'm sure it will please him to be able to see them every day for eternity."

St. Peter thanks Pamela, and asks Diana the same question. Diana drops her skirt and panties, takes a bottle of Perrier out of her purse, shakes it up, and douches with it. St. Peter says, "OK, Diana, you may go in. Have a nice day."

Pamela is outraged. She screams, "What was that all about? I show you two of God's own creations, she performs a disgusting, pornographic act, and she gets in and I don't?!!!"

"Sorry, Pamela, but a royal flush beats a pair any day."

**************************************** *********************


Once upon a time.....there was a little old man from Cancun who really took care of his body. He lifted weights and jogged six miles every day on the beach. One morning he looked into a mirror and was admiring his body when he noticed that he was suntanned over his entire body with the exception of his penis. He decided to do something about it. He jogged to the beach, completely undresses and buried himself in the sand except for his penis.

Just then two little old ladies from the BBG were strolling along the beach, one walking with a cane. Upon seeing this thing sticking out of the sand, she began to move it about with her cane. She remarked to the other old lady:

"There ain't hardly no justice in the world".

The other little old lady asked: "What do you mean by that?"

"Well", she said,

"When I was 15, I was curious about it."

"When I was 20, I enjoyed it."

"When I was 30, I asked for it."

"When I was 40, I begged for it."

"When I was 50, I paid for it."

"When I was 60, I prayed for it."

"When I was 70, I forgot about it."

"And now that I'm 80, the damn things are growing wild and I'm too old to squat."

Daz.

[barnstyke]

Mother, father and young son are visiting the circus. The elephants walk
out into the circus ring and the little boy says to his mother, "What’s that?"
"That’s the elephant’s tail," she replies.
"No, under the tail," says the youngster.
The mother is clearly embarrassed and says, "Oh, thats nothing."
The boy turns to his father and repeats the same question.
His father looks and says, "That’s the elephant’s penis, son."
"So, why did mum say it was nothing?" asks the boy.
The father draws himself up to his full height and says, "Son, I’ve spoiled
that woman."

[barnstyke]

A lady goes to a tattoo parlor.
She asks the tattoo guy to tattoo a thanksgiving turkey on the top of her left leg and she also asks him to tatoo a christmas tree on top of the other leg. When the tattoo artist asks her why she is getting a turkey and a christmas tree, she says,"my husband is always complaning that their is never much to eat between thanksgiving and christmas.’’

[barnstyke]

There was a little boy who lived with his grandpa. Every day after school the grandpa would take his grandson to the store and he would buy himself a beer and the boy would buy a scratch ticket. One day the boy asked his grandpa if he could have a drink of his beer, the grandpa said "Does your pecker reach your asshole?" The little boy said "No". Then the Grandpa said " Well then you still have to grow". The next day the little boy asked his grandpa if he could drive, the grandpa said "Does your pecker reach your asshole?". The little boy said "No". And the grandpa said " Then you still have to grow". Then one day they were walking out of the store and the little boy had bought a scratch ticket and he starts yelling " I won ten thousand dollars! I won ten thousand dollars!" The grandpa said " You’re gonna share with your favorite grandpa aren’t you?" The little boy said " Does your pecker reach your asshole?". The grandpa said " As a matter of fact it does". Then the little boy said "Good, go f**k yourself!"

[barnstyke]

A father walked past his litle boys room and heard the boy saying "god bless mummy, daddy, grandma bye bye grandpa!" The father thought nothing of it and was glad the boy was praying. The next day they found the boys grandfather dead. That night the father heard the boy say "god bless mummy, daddy bye bye grandma." The next day the grandma was found dead. that night the father heard the boy say "god bless mummy bye bye daddy." The father was realy worried and stayed up all night in the morning he went to the doctor "help i think i’m going to die" but the doctor went "your perfectly fine." The father went home feeling worried but when he walked through the front door his wife went "i’m so glad your here i found the milkman dead this morning."

[barnstyke]

A wife was worried that she and her husband were loosing their spice in the bed room and a friend suggests she invest in some new lingerie.

She buys a pair of crotchless underwear and takes them home to try out.

Her husband is watching TV so she dances around the living room, sitting and spreading her legs and doing all she can do to appear erotic and desirable. She is at her wits end so she puts on a husky voice and says: "So you want some of this?"

To which he replies: "Not after what it did to your underwear."

[barnstyke]

There was an African Ambassador who came to meet with his Russian delegate friend. Well, the ambassador was introduced to the game Russian Roulette. You press a gun to your temple, squeeze the trigger, and see if you get the only bullet in the six chambers. The ambassador was both amused and entertained by this game.
A couple years passed, and the delegate goes to meet with his friend, the ambassador who informs him that he has a similar game. He pointed to six, gorgeous women.
“All of them will give you a blow job.”
The delegate was confused. “Where’s the risk?”
“Well, one of them is a cannibal