April Addict Booking 2012

[Beverly]

Booked today. April 15th-27th.

[SharonTerry]

We haven't booked either but thinking 5th-19th...33 weeks to go!

[The Woodman]

A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no
lessons, nor prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted, and the horse
immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic
pace, but the blonde begins to slide from the saddle.

In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm
grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides
down the horse's side anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly impervious
to its slipping rider.

Finally, giving up her frail grip, the blonde attempts to leap away from
the horse and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot has become
entangled in the stirrup, she is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding
hooves as her head is struck against the ground over and over.

As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from
unconsciousness when to her great fortune... Tom, the Walmart greeter,
sees her dilemma and unplugs the horse.

And you thought all they did was say Hello.

[suedave]

Originally Posted by Beverly

Booked today. April 15th-27th.

great news bev & chris, cant wait to se you both again, we are going to have a great time, roll on april:ernaehrung00 5:

[The Woodman]

Well, Danny is the guy who gets home late one night and, Kathy, his wife says, “Where the hell have you been?”
Danny replies, “I was out getting a tattoo!”
“A tattoo?” she frowned. “What kind of tattoo did you get?”
“I got a hundred dollar bill on my privates,” he said proudly.
“What the hell were you thinking?” she said, shaking her head in disgust. “Why on earth would a marketing person get a hundred dollar bill tattooed on his privates?”
“Well,” he answered, “One, I like to watch my money grow.
Two, once in a while I like to play with my money.
Three, I like how money feels in my hand and, lastly,
instead of you going out shopping, you can stay right here at home and blow a hundred bucks anytime you want.”

[The Woodman]

An old married couple was at home watching TV.

The husband had the remote and was switching back
and forth between a fishing channel and the porn channel.

The wife became more and more annoyed and finally said:



"For god's sake! Leave it on the porn channel. You already know how to fish!"

[kmontoya]

Originally Posted by The Woodman

An old married couple was at home watching TV.

The husband had the remote and was switching back
and forth between a fishing channel and the porn channel.

The wife became more and more annoyed and finally said:



"For god's sake! Leave it on the porn channel. You already know how to fish!"

he he he he he he he ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

[Beverly]

Where is that old man ED at. (I mean that ol fart) I think hes just too scared to come join us this year.

[KenNJoyce]

Dear Noah,
We could have sworn you said the ark wasn't leaving till 5.
Sincerely,
The Unicorns


Dear Twilight fans,
Please realize that because vampires are dead and have no blood pumping through them, they can never get an erection. Enjoy fantasizing about that.
Sincerely,
Logic


Dear Icebergs,
Sorry to hear about the global warming. Karma's a bitch.
Sincerely,
The Titanic



Dear Yahoo,
I've never heard anyone say, "I don't know, let's Yahoo! it..." Just saying...
Sincerely,
Google


Dear 2010,
So I hear the best rapper is white and the president is black? WTF happened?!
Sincerely,
1985


Dear girls who have been dumped,
There are plenty of fish in the sea... Just kidding! They're all dead.
Sincerely,
BP


Dear Skin-Colored Band Aids,
Please make one for every skin color.
Sincerely,
Black people


Dear Scissors,
I feel your pain.....no one wants to run with me either.
Sincerely,
Sarah Palin


Dear Customers,
Yes, we ARE making fun of you in Vietnamese.
Sincerely,
Nail Salon Ladies


Dear Ugly People,
You're welcome.
Sincerely,
Alcohol


Dear World,
Please stop freaking out about 2012. Our calendars end there because some Spanish d-bags invaded our country and we got a little busy ok?
Sincerely,
The Mayans


Dear White People,
Don't you just hate immigrants?
Sincerely,
The Native Americans


Dear iPhone,
Please stop spell checking all of my rude words into nice words. You piece of shut.
Sincerely,
Every iPhone User


Dear Trash,
At least you get picked up...
Sincerely,
The Girls of Jersey Shore


Dear Man,
It's cute, but can you pick up peanuts with it?
Sincerely,
Elephant

[The Woodman]

RETIREMENT IS DIFFERENT FOR EVERYONE


One day, while going to the store, I passed by a nursing home. On the front lawn were six old ladies lying naked on the grass, Tootsie, Joni, Jan, Bonnie, Judy and Muffy.

I thought this was a bit unusual, but continued on my way to the store. On my return trip, I passed the same nursing home with the same six old ladies lying naked on the lawn.

This time my curiosity got the best of me, and I went inside to talk to the Nursing Home Administrator.

'Do you know there are six ladies lying naked on your front lawn?'

'Yes,' she said. 'They're retired prostitutes, and they're having a yard sale.'

[suedave]

Originally Posted by Beverly

Where is that old man ED at. (I mean that ol fart) I think hes just too scared to come join us this year.

he needs to sit in the still and quiet snow of alaska to prepare himself for ttr, could'nt think why he should be scared after all he has the lovely susan to keep him in check 51 weeks of the year hi ed and susan

[The Woodman]

From a Teacher -- short and to the point

In the world of hi-tech gadgetry, I've noticed that more and more people who send text messages and emails have long forgotten the art of capitalization.
For those of you who fall into this category, please take note of the following statement...

"Capitalization is the difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse and helping your uncle jack off a horse."

Is everybody clear on that?

[The Woodman]

Here's a great pre TTR to watch!!
Funny as hell!!

http://www.newsday.com/polopoly_fs/1...by-boomers.swf

[The Woodman]

Short Bedtime Story

[DEEREMAN]

I wish we could have made it.

[The Woodman]

[The Woodman]

Three women go down to Mexico one night to celebrate college graduation.
They got drunk, and woke up in jail, only to find that they are to be executed
in the morning, though none of them can remember what they did the night before.

The first one, a redhead, is strapped in the electric chair and is asked if she has any last words. She says: "I just graduated from Trinity Bible College and believe in the almighty power of God to intervene on the behalf of the innocent.." They throw the switch and nothing happens. They all immediately fall to the floor on their knees, beg for forgiveness and release her.

The second one, a brunette, is strapped in and gives her last words. "I just graduated from the University of Illinois School of Law, and I believe in the power of Justice to intervene
on the behalf of the innocent." They throw the switch and again, nothing happens. Again, they all immediately fall to their knees, beg for forgiveness, and release her.

The last one, a blonde (you knew it), is strapped in and says: "Well, I'm from the Ohio and just graduated from Ohio State with a degree in Electrical Engineering, and I'll tell ya right now, y'all ain't gonna electrocute nobody if you don't plug this thing in."

[Donald]

Originally Posted by DEEREMAN

I wish we could have made it.

You baking a cake or saying your not making this april, ''A''pril sorry Woody

??

[DEEREMAN]

No. I am not saying that at all...I with we could have gone to new York when the mini get together happened at woodys

[jeff & deb]

Baby moose in sprinkler. [VIDEO]

[Donald]

Originally Posted by DEEREMAN

No. I am not saying that at all...I with we could have gone to new York when the mini get together happened at woodys

Looked like a great time, from the pics


they may need a canoe now, still a lot of roads washed out. Major clean up on the way

[DEEREMAN]

Are u guys ok?

[suedave]

A Teacher ask's the class to name things than end with 'tor' that eat things.

The first little boy says ''alligator''
''Very good, thats a big word''

The second boy says ''predator''
''Yes thats another big word, well done''

Little Johnny says ''Vibrator Miss''

After nearly falling off her chair, she says, ''that is a big word, but it does'nt eat anything''

Johnny says '' well my sister has one, and she says it eats f****n batteries like there's no tomorrow.

[suedave]

Originally Posted by DEEREMAN

No. I am not saying that at all...I with we could have gone to new York when the mini get together happened at woodys

Same here Bryan, would have been good to go, to far for us though, , hope you guys can make april.

[DEEREMAN]

I hope so also

[The Woodman]

Advice to an old guy... an absolute heart-breaker.

An old guy was working out in the gym when he spotted a sweet young thing...

He asked the trainer that was near-by, "What machine in here
should I use to impress that sweet thing over there?"
The trainer looked him up and down and said,


"I would try the ATM in the lobby."

[DEEREMAN]

Wow woody....that is a beauty.....

[suedave]

A cardiologist died and was given an elaborate funeral. A huge Heart covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service.

Following the eulogy, the heart opened, and the casket rolled inside. The heart then closed, sealing the doctor in the beautiful heart forever.

At that point, one of the mourners burst into laughter. When all eyes stared at him, he said, "I'm sorry, I was just thinking of my own funeral........I'm a gynecologist".

The proctologist fainted

[The Woodman]

Originally Posted by suedave

A cardiologist died and was given an elaborate funeral. A huge Heart covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service.

Following the eulogy, the heart opened, and the casket rolled inside. The heart then closed, sealing the doctor in the beautiful heart forever.

At that point, one of the mourners burst into laughter. When all eyes stared at him, he said, "I'm sorry, I was just thinking of my own funeral........I'm a gynecologist".

The proctologist fainted

Love it - Right after my own "Heart" Dave!!

[suedave]

Fifteen minutes into flight, the pilot announced: "Ladies and gentlemen, one of our engines has failed. There is nothing to worry about. Our flight will take an hour longer than scheduled, but we still have three engines left." Thirty minutes later the pilot announced: "One more engine has failed and the flight will take an additional two hours. But don't worry, we can fly just fine on two engines." An hour later the pilot announced: "One more engine has failed and our arrival will be delayed another three hours. But don't worry, we still have one engine left." The blonde in seat 17A turned to the man next to her and said, "If we lose one more engine, we'll be up here all day!"