Here's my super-crazy-long trip report. I loved reading these before we visited TTR so I put in as much detail as I could remember (which was a surprising amount, guess I should've drank more, haha).
Some info about us: late 20s/early 30s couple who like to travel and make new friends. We've been to Hedo 2 twice as well as some other resorts in Jamaica and the Dominican Republic, and were first timers to both TTR and Cancun. Our trip dates were June 27 - July 4.
Barely awake for our plane rides there, pretty uneventful. The dreaded hall of timeshare vultures at the Cancun airport wasn’t anywhere near as bad as I thought it would be. Once we got outside, we found USA Transfers (you have to walk outside a bit to find them, just keep heading straight) and they got us to the resort super quick.
We paid for a jacuzzi room upgrade on site. Katy at the front desk quoted as an amount well over $500 for our 1 week stay, and we tried to haggle down to $350, but ended up at $400. Normally we would never splurge like this on a hotel room, but we had a windfall of cash a couple months ago and had planned on using it for the upgrade. Our room took forever to be ready (it was well after 4pm by the time we received keys), but it was worth the wait. We ended up with room 1120 which was in an awesome location right by the sports bar and Nice Shoes.
While we waited for the room to be ready, we had lunch at Margaritas (I love their teriyaki chicken) and then went over to the sexy pool. We asked for a shot of tequila and they serve warm Cuervo by default - eek, watch out! Mike puked in a bush after he drank it, poor guy. We wandered back to the quiet pool bar where we met a bartender named Adrian. We told him about our Cuervo experience and asked what other types of tequila they had at the bar, so we’d know what to order in the future. He recommended Milagro (either silver or repasado), and of course proceeds to serve us 2 shots with a big smile even though we hadn’t asked for them. Needless to say, Adrian ended up being our favorite bartender. He put up with countless “como se dice’s” and was such fun to talk to. I think we ended up at the buffet for dinner that night, and hung out at Paty’Os for a little bit. We were pretty wiped out at this point so we went to bed early.
Discovered that I love the french toast at the breakfast buffet. We relaxed at the quiet pool in the morning for a bit, then headed over to sexy pool once we had a buzz. They held the iron man competition this day, which was fun to watch, but none of the guys changed their shorts (boo).
In the late afternoon we talked to Katy at the front desk (who had taken care of us during check-in the day before) about some small issue and she got it resolved very quickly, and then said she was going to send us a surprise gift. 10 minutes later we had a bottle of champagne and a plate of chocolate strawberries for our anniversary. Sweet!
We ate at Village Wok for dinner. I had the Curry Chicken and enjoyed it, though I liked Mike’s oyster beef just as much if not more. We also ordered a plate of sushi as a third entree and split it. Sushi lovers, be warned that every single piece of sushi I came across in Mexico had cream cheese in it. It was actually sort of baffling. There was a piece of salmon nigiri that was sans cream cheese and it was my favorite.
That night we met our new friends Kristen and Jack at Paty’Os, as well as a great couple from Mexico City. A lot of people were dressed up in mardi gras costumes. I think this was the first night we ate one of the miracle cheeseburgers from the late night grill. I was in love forever at first bite.
I think this was the day they had Mrs. Temptation at the sexy pool. Mike ‘donated’ his swim trunks to the ladies. Without giving too much away to those who haven’t been, once the entertainers started giving the swim trunks back, Mike climbed out of the pool butt naked, tapped JJ on the shoulder, pointed to his swim trunks that JJ was holding and said, “those are mine!” He was rather infamous for that move the rest of the week!
We heard the Boobs Cruise that went out that day (June 29th) was particularly wild -- almost everyone on the boat was naked and fun was had by all. One guest praised Chinos and Omar for their ability to get the crowd going. Apparently they constantly circle the boat talking to everyone and will hand you a fresh drink as soon as yours is half full. Next time we come to Temptations I think we’ll book the cruise, but we enjoyed our day at the resort, too!
I dressed up in an awesome rainbow tutu and rainbow tights for Paty’Os. Lots of people followed the CancunCare theme and dressed up as naughty school girls, sexy! Found a balloon and stuck it into my tutu so I had a balloon penis. Lots of raunchy fun ensued. We brought a wireless speaker down to the sports pool and hung out and danced til late (early?) in the am. Security caught a bachelor who was naked in the pool and he cracked us all up as he took his sweet time putting his swim trunks back on.
We went on an atv/zipline/cenote excursion which was a blast. We ended up booking through Cancuncare with a ‘carm’ group, and the tour operator was Extreme Adventures. Funny enough, we could have booked the exact same tour (and same operator) for the exact same price through the entertainment desk by the sexy pool. So now you know! The tour guides were very friendly and funny and kept everyone 100% safe. They let people go upside down on the last zipline which was SO FRIGGIN COOL. It’s very disorienting and just loads of fun. Then we rode ATVs to a cenote (I think it had a name like Blue/Green Jewel, not totally sure). The water was freezing but refreshing. The area around the cenote was designated as some sort of park so there were no vendors trying to sell you stuff (a far cry from an ATV/swimming experience we had in Punta Cana, DR). The driver took the tour guides back in the same bus with the guests, and we got to sit in the very back with one of them and talk a little bit. He had a bottle of 100 anos tequila in his bag and kept talking about how excited he was to drink it. He even let us take a sip!
We had late reservations at Il Piacere and our server Reyes. I had the caprese salad and the pasta stuffed with goat cheese and really liked it. Mike had the filet and said it was his favorite meal at the resort. Thanks to a tip off of this forum I knew to ask for sexy coffee, even though it’s not listed on the menu. Wow, was it cool! Since we were there so late the restaurant was not busy at all, and Reyes had time to do a really fantastic presentation. Mike actually went to the room to grab more cash and double his tip, we were so impressed. The costumes at POs for rock star night were great. Can’t remember how late we danced, but we ended up enjoying our hot tub at the end of the night.
The sexy pool show at noon was supposed to be Mr. Temptation, but it was cancelled because they couldn’t find 3 guys to do it (to be honest, they didn’t seem to be trying too hard to get guys to sign up, so perhaps there was a different reason they cancelled). Instead they put a surfboard in the sexy pool, had a guest stand on it, and then JJ and another guy would shake the board back and forth to get the person to lose their balance and fall off. Whomever had the highest time won.
While many of the competitors did really well and had great times, I had the advantage over everyone with a) boobs, and b) total willingness to get naked while on the surfboard. No one could beat my time of 18 seconds (after you count all the time perks I got for being naked) so I won a bottle of “shitty champagne” and for the rest of the week had all the bartenders asking me about getting back on the surfboard. Oh, and I immediately put that champagne to good use by doing body shots with a bunch of ladies (plus a birthday boy) on the small rock island near the sexy pool bar. One of my favorite moments of the trip!
By the evening we were exactly halfway through our trip and crashing hard. We had a very early dinner at Bellavista (probably our least favorite restaurant, but not “bad” by any means) and hung out in the room most of the night. Highlight was watching “Bad Boys” in Spanish and hearing Will Smith and Martin Lawrence sing the title song -- "chicos mal, chicos mal!"
Spent the morning and early afternoon at the beach relaxing so we missed most of the beer chugging contest. Naked tequila volleyball that afternoon was a blast. The guests crushed the staff every game. Then JJ and Sara69 ‘conveniently’ started the foam party so they avoided getting the bucket of ice water poured on them. We threatened to come after them with glasses of ice water later that day but somehow we got to drinking and forgot… imagine that. :) Note that if you get naked during volleyball, you aren’t allowed to stay naked during the foam party (or if you do, you gotta be very very discreet under all that foam). My husband hadn’t put his swim trunks back on, and when he got out of the pool naked about halfway through the foam party, security wrote him up/gave him a warning for being nude. Lame.
This reminds me, we also heard about a couple that were caught having sex in the sexy pool one night and got belligerent with security when told to stop. The couple were escorted to their room to pack their bags and immediately kicked out of the resort. So if you do get caught breaking the rules, apologize, shut up and go to your room to finish your business!
We ate at Village Wok again this night. I had the chicken chow mein which was good, but not as flavorful as the curry. This was lingerie night and there were some SEXY costumes floating around Paty'Os! I realized that I had more fun dancing at Paty'Os when I was wearing less clothing, because otherwise it is simply too darn hot. They have a couple fans mounted around the perimeter (and one is right next to the dance floor) which help keep air circulating, but you still get so friggin sweaty that you might as well be in a bra and panties. Our favorite bartender Adrian had moved to the sports bar at this point in the trip, so we spent a lot of time in there playing pool, taking shots, and enjoying the air conditioning. We found it was often faster to walk down to the sports bar and grab a drink as opposed to waiting in the line at POs.
Our last full day, so sad. We grabbed loungers up on the second floor of the old premier deck, right by the lone hot tub. Luckily, the hot tub was turned off/not working and the water was actually really cold! We called it our private plunge pool and it was a refreshing break from the sun.
This was the day they had a belly flop contest at noon. Mike signed up because he wanted to win a shirt. At just 160 lbs he was the first to go (they ordered the guys by weight) but both of his flops got pretty high scores! (Actually, he had to go twice in the second round because he jumped too early the first tall. A for effort.) This tall, massive dude who outweighed Mike by about 200 lbs won first place with a perfect score, but Mike still managed to snag a t-shirt. Another guest told him he “won for his weight class” which cracked us up. After the belly floppage, they had a pole dancing contest at the sexy pool which was great. Two really good dancers and lots of chi chis and cuca! Sara69 does a great job getting the crowd cheering and clapping.
Later that afternoon, Mike and I left the resort for a few hours and walked around to do some souvenir shopping. If you go out and to the left, after a 5 minute walk you’ll come to a theater/pier where the Jolly Roger boats are parked. There are a couple shops tucked away in there. We also ate a small lunch at Carnitas Michoacan (across the street and to the left of the resort) which was really good.
We dressed up for white night and ate Italian again for dinner. I had the filet this time, which was great, and the Il Piacere salad which definitely stretched the definition of what a salad is. We also had sexy coffee again, and Reyes poured us extra brandy. Por que no!?
We heard a little bit of the violinist performance at Paty'Os but at the time no one was really dancing, so we played pool in the sports bar with Kristen and Jack and hung out with Adrian who gleefully fed us all the shots we could take. We noticed a box on the counter behind him which was a brand new red microwave (“un horno de microondas”). After asking why the microwave was horny, we asked what it was there for. Adrian has us 100% convinced that a guest had given it to him as a gift, but then he revealed it was actually for the bar and they were going to use it to make popcorn. So if anyone is going soon, keep an eye (nose?) out for freshly popped popcorn.
We went back to PO’s and danced for a bit with friends, and I said good-bye to as many folks as I could find. Then a group of us hung out at a cabana by the sports pool for a couple hours because the water was a bit too chilly to swim. Mike kindly reenacted a belly flop for our amusement. Our friend Louis brought out 50 shots of Scooby Doos/Wet Pussys and I heckled him and told him we needed fifty-ONE shots. So he shows up with 20 more. Learned my lesson. :) It ended up being a pretty quiet and relaxing end to our last night when we stumbled back to the room because I couldn’t keep my eyes open (the sugar in those shots makes you crash so hard).
Saddest day ever. Woke up and packed. My heart dropped into my stomach when they cut the red bracelets off us and I realized this truly was the end. We had a late breakfast and walked around for a few minutes until we headed to the lobby for our USA transfer back to the airport. They give you plenty of time to get through all the various lines (and oh, were there lines). Something that tripped us up is that you have to use one of the kiosks near the door to self check-in and get boarding passes, and if you pay to check luggage, make sure to print the receipt as proof. The airport is interesting in that they only assign you a gate once you’re about 30 minutes away from boarding, so keep checking the monitors. Also watch out if you’re assigned gates 17, 18 or 19. We had gate 19 but for some reason they were boarding our plane through gate 18 and it was very confusing because you can’t really hear what they’re saying over the speakers. So just be careful! It was an uneventful trip back to the US, and when we arrived home we were immediately hit with a “WELCOME BACK TO THE REAL WORLD” message in the form of a tree on our roof. There’s no structural damage but man, what a mood killer. Thankfully Temptations gave me plenty of time to drink, dance and party and even a tree on my roof can’t spoil the awesome vibes I brought home from this wonderful resort.
Overall Impressions ---------------------
- We had fantastic weather the entire trip. There were a couple hours a few of the days where it was cloudy and overcast, but it never rained during the day. There was one night at Paty’Os where it sprinkled for about 10 minutes, and that was awesome because we were so hot and the rain was refreshing. Everyone on the dance floor was clapping and cheering.
- We left tips for the bartenders, the maid, servers in most of the restaurants, and the late night cooks at POs. We tipped a lot extra for the sexy coffee presentation. We weren’t tipping substantially at the daytime bar - a buck or two every few drinks - and this wasn’t enough to really merit faster service or better quality drinks. They always appreciated the tips, though.
- JJ said it was sort of a slower week at the resort (lower occupancy) but it seemed pretty busy to me! There were always crowds in the sexy pool and POs. That being said, we were always able to find loungers at the Sexy Pool, which I've read can be a challenge.
- A lot of people on the forum have said they dislike the music played at Paty'Os (they say there's a cd of the same 10 songs) but we thought the DJs (both house and guest) did a great job every night we were there. Yes, you do hear some of the same music, and yes, there's a ton of Pitbull, but in our experience they played a pretty wide range of top 40, electronica/techno, salsa and rock/oldies.
- We met several people throughout the week that had purchased memberships at the resort. While everyone seemed happy with their decision, watch out because the concierge apparently takes you to a private premier bar and serves you very, very strong cocktails of top shelf liquor. Also, some of the information they tell you about the perks of membership may not be accurate! We talked to a couple at Margaritas one day during lunch (one of whom was a lawyer) who had talked with the rep about getting a membership, but ultimately backed out because of uncertainty over conflicting information. For example, there was some sort of deal where if you refer someone you get money you can apply toward your next stay. However, while the rep told the couple they had 2 years to use this money, the fine print in the contract said it was only 1 year. When he asked about the discrepancy, the resort’s lawyer actually came out of a back room and said the contract was accurate, and the rep had been wrong. The rep also told them they were offering a promotion where they could pay for a basic room but would automatically receive upgrades to an ocean view or even a jacuzzi room when they stayed there. However, the fine print said that this was subject to availability and not a guarantee. So if you’re considering getting a membership and the rep is offering all these perks, get them in writing on your contract! And if they balk about it, tell them you want to speak to the lawyer to get everything squared away.
- 95% of the single guys we met were very friendly and there to have a good time. Exception: On Thursday night a kid (seriously, he looked like he was 17) smacked my butt in Paty'Os and gave me the stupidest/cockiest grin when I made eye contact and realized it was him who had done it. I gave him a very stern "NO!" and immediately moved my group away from him. He did not bother us again nor did I see him the rest of the trip (I think he and his friend were there on a night pass).
Newbie Tips ---------------------
- Dial 0 to call the lobby. They almost always answer with a barrage of Spanish, so I always just said, “Ingles, por favor?” and then they switched over.
- Dial 69 to check messages on your phone. If the light on the phone is flashing, that’s how you know you have a message. In our case, the guys at the tour desk called and wanted us to book an excursion.
- If you get there before 2-3pm, your room will probably not be ready (depending on how busy the resort is, of course). Pack a swimsuit in a carry on so you can change without having to dig through all of your luggage.
- If you get sweaty at Paty'Os and want to dry off, you can go into the lobby bathroom and grab one of the washcloths that you use to dry your hands. You can also grab a napkin off the bar by the kitchen area, but that left big globs of paper on my face a couple times.
- While we never tried this, if you want to eat at Il Piacere or Village Wok but didn’t make a reservation, you can probably get in if you show up around 9-10pm and ask nicely (and especially if you tip the guy who seats you). We noticed the restaurants really seemed to clear out by 9:30 and there were plenty of open tables. The tradeoff is that you might miss some of the night time events and shows by eating so late.
- There is a casual ‘library’ of sorts in the sports bar, to the left on the counter when you walk in. There’s a pretty wide variety of books there at any given time, though not all are in English.
- The resort does not issue any sort of towel cards (a surprise to us, as all other resorts we’d been to use this system). Instead, you ask for towels from the hut by the sexy/sports pool and the guy simply writes down how many you take. You are allowed to take more than 2 towels as long as you return the same amount. Also, the signs say they’ll charge you $25 if you don’t return your towels that same day, but we checked with the front desk and they said it was okay to keep them overnight.
- We used a probiotic called Florastor and an electrolyte replenisher called LyteShow. Both products worked really well for me and prevented hangovers and tummy upset almost the entire time I was there (exception being on the evening we crashed, Wednesday, and the morning after). Mike didn’t fare quite as well.
- We brought an enormous mug but never filled it with alcohol, instead we always kept it filled with ice water. It reminded us to keep drinking water throughout the day and was also nice to have in the room at night because we always ran out of bottled water.
Finally, shoutouts to Kristin and Jack, londontandt, 2temptu, Lori and Joshua, Pierre and Laura, Nadia and Johannes from Germany, Lizzy and her group of friends, and punkinncream (we met one morning by the sexy pool but didn’t talk much cause we were still waking up, sorry for being boring!). Agency, I’m pretty sure I met you guys at PatyOs one night and invited you to the sports pool, and then talked with you a bit over the next few days, but I’m not 100% sure and can’t recall if you told me your name. I hope it was you! :)
Well, if you've read this far down you are obviously a fan of both TTR and reading. ;) Feel free to ask me any questions. Mike and I had a fantastic trip and made a lot of memories. We'll be back at some point for more sexy fun and hope to see our friends again and make new ones!
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Awesome report. Thanks for taking time to give people the inside scoop on all the things you figured out and did. Seems like the forum was very helpful to you prior to your trip, and that level of preparation goes a really long way towards doing and getting exactly what you want out of your vacation.
Now the next big question...when are you going back!?!?
If I had to sit down today and write the whole thing from scratch, it would probably be just a couple of short paragraphs! Sort of sad how quickly memories of your day-to-day activities slip away. I'm glad I have my trip report recorded here on the forums so I can come back to it in the future and say, Oh yeah, we did get pretty crazy on this trip!
Oh and to answer your question, I swear I was drinking! A lot of the time it was foofoo stuff during the day, but I know I had a decent buzz. When you're there and having so much fun, it can be hard to discern just how drunk you are (or aren't). The saying about finding the shitshow comes to mind! : )
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