After a week off for detox, letting my groin heal from dozens of splits and letting reality finally set in that I'm I figured it's time for a trip report while I still remember half of it. This is my fifth year in a row and like last year this was another 17 days of liver degrading fun with the world famous Chaos Crewe. I figured I'd gloss over the resort specifics parts since the same top notch service was provided as years past and the resort is still hospitible as ever. Big shout out to all the bartenders, waiters/waitresses and maids who were always friendly, quick and just absolutley spectacular at their jobs. The food is still pretty good as well and the rooms are more than servicable. My main issue this trip is that I got some sort of stomache bug on day 2 and it persisted through out the whole trip so that was a downer and towards the end I couldn't even keep food down. (Luckily booze wasn't a problem!) It's impossible to list everyone since there was a over a hundred people during my stint but I do want to say a special thanks to Sue for once again orgainizing all our theme nights and dinners and getting all of the boobs cruises dates set up and orgainized. She also did well with getting all the newbies acclimated and entertained while I kept to my job of keeping the bar standing and telling bad jokes. I spent alot of time this year and drank the most with Christa Trish/Russ, Lynn, Larry/Kathy, Kurt/Berta, Amber, Don/Trish, Kevin, Richard, Amanda, Matt/Carrie, Mandy/Josh Mike/Linda, Nate, Jen/Chris Denise/Mario, Keith/Wendy (on second thought, I drank with ALOT of people!) and all the others that were hanging out by the bar as I drank my alternating Smirnoff/Sprit and expressos. The sexy pool was a fun party spot once again this year. My main complaint would be that it was cold the first 4 or 5 days and the pool wasn't heated as it was last year and it affected the amount of people in the pool. Luckily us drinking professionals braved it with copious amounts of alcohol. Since brother Travis couldn't make it this year I brought down the floating beer pong table and it was a good way to get everyone in the pool involved and also a good ice breaker for newbies or people that just wandered up. Sorry Travis, I didn't really bring the title home this year, I went on a tear for the first week and barley kept above .500 after that. The girls always seemed to kick more ass than the guys and I'm pretty sure we weren't letting them win. I actually didn't too many games this year and missed the Mr. Temptation contest all together since I usually wasn't up till around 1 or 2 but the most memorable one I can think of is the battle of the sexes where the guys and girls had to change outfits and me being me chose the girl in the micro bikini. The major downside is you only have enough fabric to cover the frank or one of the beans so the beans had to hang out for 45 minutes. Oh well, most people can draw them from memory at this point and the girl who gave the suit up had a blast if not a ruined bikini. The sun was usually down by 5 so it always helped to know when it was nap time so I could be ready for the nights activities. Patty O's was where the party was always at and where I spent the most of my time. Our theme nights as always were a huge highlight of my trip and alot of fun to do. (even if it took tons of booze to actually put them on.) Fetish/Uniform night was again a really fun one and everyones ideas were just great. I was actually sick for the two X-mas ones this year and didn't make one untill 2 in the morning on one and the other was my last night there so I didn't go full dress but expect to next year. School/Glow night got alot of participation with Sue setting up shop in the sports bar before hand and painting everyone up in glow paint and Nate bringing enough glow sticks to light up a small rural town. Lingerie night is always one of the highlights of the week. I socked it again this year and after having no troubles the first week was told by security on the second week to wear a towel in the begining because the owners were there. (Kinda sad when I'm more embarassed wearing a towel than a sock) White night is always a fun an easy one to pull off and we had alot of participation especially since that was the same night the Canadian group came in. Christa and I pretty much squashed our compition from last year trying to see who stayed up the latest. Like loving siblings though we kicked it up a notch and kept dissing each other to random strangers and having to explain we're actually friends afterwards. ("He's a fu#$ing A$$hole!" "She's a puta!") The bands and D.J. were really good this year and I lost my voice and hurt my neck just from the singing along and headbanging. There was also some great shows where they had an awesome balancing act and two contornists that were great as well. The pool shows were entertaining but seeing them before and the shows from last year at nice shoes I usually skipped them and tried to help Christa save some spots at Patty O's. Patty O's even has an expresso machine now that helps you get that second wind going! One of the highlights to any trip is of course Steve and Jannet's World Famous Boobs cruise featuring Chinos and Omar! I was fortunate enough to be able to do 3 this trip and had an absolute blast. The drinks were always flowing, the buffet was great, beach games awesome and the ride home was always a party to remember. Chinos and Omar are the best in the business and know how to take care of all they're patrons while still being the life of the party! The alcohol whip creme always helps also. I think I broke my groin when Chinos kept goading me to do splits on a moving boat! I did like that we went to the bar close to the pier as opposed to the stinky bar. It's alot easier to stumble 25 ft than 400 yards. Anyone who has never experiened the boobs cruise I would give my highest recommendation as it is always a great time and all the people you want to hang out with at the resort are on the boat anyway. One of the nicer parts of the trip was the wedding of Hillary and Scott. They rented a catarman and since I was performing the ceromony let me bring Sue, Lynn, Christa, Larry and Kathy. The bride looked glowing and great, it was a beautiful day, their vows made people tear up and I think I only messed up once in the reading. It was day 15 into my trip and since I was battling a stomach bug I pretty much laid down for the the rest of the trip but everyone else had fun snorkling and enjoying the experience. As always it's the people that make the resort and the reason that we keep coming back year after year. I'm humbled and honored that I've been fortunate to meet so many great people and can't wait for next year to see what we come up with next. Travis, Lorenzo, the Karens, Craig, Rene, Claudio, Guy and all the rest who couldn't make it were sorley missed and we told tales of your greatness often and fondley and we better see you all next year! I wanted to say thanks to Wayne, Kathy and Gdoug for the shirts. I've worn them all to the store during the week and they aslways got a laugh. Here's some of the things that come up off the top of my head and I'm sure more will come once all the repressed memories wear off. - Russ and I doing Gangnam every time they started playing it. - Faylynn and Jen stealing my splits - Coree shaved his head again - Trish actually making it out to the boobs cruise after a night of 15 house wines - Don doing his white guy dance - Chris dancing on the boat after multiple tequila shots (thought we were going to have to jump in after him!) - Sue's dinners - Darrell's futile attempt to beat me at lingerie night (he didn't try to steal any boats this time though!) - I think Kevin had to prop me up towards the bar at 5am at one point - Linda stealing my fedora every night - Mike having to steal it back - Kurt scissor kicking me and Hillary (on accident, but he felt bad and I got a neck massage out of it) - I almost ran up and hugged a guy that looked like Lorenzo when I thought they came down as a suprise - Amber being Mandy's accolyte - Trish wears suspenders well - Keith kept showing us his injured bird - I got called the Mexican Ron Jeremy, I'm pretty sure it was an insult but I had Jen repeating it to people - Doing shots with Nate of Blue Fu#kers and then Tequila with one of the nationals vacationing - Allison looking after me my first night after I got the first day curse - Half naked conga line - The thong eye patch - Amanda trying to get me to do yoga early in the morning (no way in hell!) - I think some mexican girl was trying to hit on my but since I only know 20 words it took and hour to get through 2 sentences - Crawfish Inspector! - Bigsexxy passing out shots in his Caesar outfit - Chinos great costumes for the rides home - Boobs cruise Santa Hat, Crown Royal bag and Long Dong Silver - Russ has the same sense of humor I do (sorry Trish, you married a sick bastard!) - Having to explain to Mandy that when you yank a sock off forcably there are balls attached! - British/American euphinism conversation that lasted way to bloody long with way too many bloody drinks! - Two girls left the Iron Woman contest when they saw - Nate makes a great homemade wine with a heck of a kick - Eiffel Tower! - Linda and Jen really know how to ride a pole! - Too many damn splits, good thing I wasn't planning on kids anyway - Hating Richard for having to eat 3500 calories a day and looking like Van Damme - Couples contest where the girls were covered in chocolate - Never piss Faylynn off, even being nice and giving you a massage will kill you in 30 seconds, not even counting her whippings! - The massages at the blue tent down the beach are great and definitly worth the $40 bor an hour - Christa busting sweet dance moves - Somebody asking me if I ever lived in Britain because after two weeks I was starting to sound a little like Russ and Trish I know I'm missing a ton but hopefully the repressed memories will come back to me with time and sobriety. I checked my camera and apparently have no pictures past the first 3 days so if you guys want to continue the Chaos Crewe Countdown this year I'm going to need pics emailed to me. Just PM and I'll give you my emial address. As always I don't mind making a fool of myself but I'll use discretion when using everyone elses unless I get specific permission otherwise. On a quick side note. I did end up getting some veneers while I was down there at the local dentist that Steve had recommended and almost a month later I haven't had any problems. The cost ended up saving me a couple of thousand dollars compared to home. They were professional, clean and best of all I didn't feel one iota of pain through out the whole procedure. (to be fair though I was already drinking by the time the novacane wore off so that may have affected it some) It looks like we have come to the end of another epic year full of memories and liver damage. You guys are some of my favorite people that I have the good fortune to know and I know that next year will be even more memorable. Time to start checking rates! Prost!